“Life rules” and social networks

By Alicia Ayora Talavera

In recent weeks a number of circumstances and what I have been reading on social networks –transformed in a place for proverbs-  made me think about the frequency of used phrases jumping   mouth by mouth  like a walking cross pattern: phylogenetic movement on living species,  perfectly coordinated, enabling the body`s displacement; It does not require a prior training or any reflection.

With this same phylogeny, people  use  simple phrases to “motivate” others,  these are assumed, believed as rules, learned without question, far from imagine how harmful these could be sometimes when  swallowed in the literal sense.

No matter where those comes from, are applied as well digested  as general rules, hitting as hard as their unfulfillment brings on fears, insecurities, frustrations, guilt and a series of mental torments, those who feed  to the psychology, psychiatry and medicine.

The one who wants it, gets it… it would be wonderful if willing was enough. Sometimes will and perseverance are overplus, but if circumstances do not help can be really difficult to reach the “truth” in others cases is just impossible. Is common to forget or ignore life is made up of numerous conditions, contingencies, accidents or  whatever word  like better used to name them; knowing or remembering this fact  can give us a more relaxed search.

I have to be someone in life! Commonly this is linked to the professional, social recognition, transcendence, success. If the rule applied in all cases, the list of “failed” or “the nobodies” (as Galeano would say) will be endless. Also being someone in life is just having enough to live in peace and the professional or the success, are a plus.

Silence gives consent … It seems when someone does not have anything to say is a lack of arguments. If the rule would apply, there would be endless discussions. Sometimes one is silent because there is no way to establish a dialogue with the wall; sometimes is  a lack of skills to express  while having arguments.

Be the best! This is the perfect way to stimulate competition –sometimes unhealthy, full of rivalries and uncomformity- in the capitalist world. It is an effective way to tread down the renowed self-esteem. Trying  to be the best is often exhausting especially for those who need to develop skills (not always achieved) while others bring them “by default”, they both are in a race for the same position, also “people are not  always in the same conditions”

Think “do better” instead of “being the best” may make a most relaxed life.

Believe in yourself! This means being sure we can achieve the goals which we desire to acomplish. Believing in yourself as  everything,  depends on a number of circumstances, including the relationship with the others. It would be wonderfull if repeating it tirelessly, even if the world  strived to convince you otherwise (we are compared, measured, tagged, discriminate). Understanding that our way to think comes from measured values (good, bad, pretty, ugly, right, wrong, normal, abnormal) is not at everyones reach.

And we could make a long list on countless topics.

Nowdays,  when I’m in my role of Constantine (action thriller directed by Francis Lawrence and stared by Keanu Reeves) struggling next to people against their demons in my office or outside of it, I think if what I say is not the babbling which we all repeat, I give myself permission to doubt. Everything is questionable. It may sound very risky, but i do not believe in anything as ultimate truth (speaking of phrases), but i believe in everything being possible.

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Dirigido por Dora A. Ayora Talavera, Quinientos25 es una Agencia de Relaciones Humanas que a través arte, literatura, psicoterapia y prácticas colaborativas promueve el desarrollo de vínculos positivos que favorezcan nuestras vidas. Trabajamos con organizaciones privadas y gubernamentales, empresas, escuelas, familias, profesionistas y público en general ofreciendo cursos, talleres, psicoterapia, acciones y espacios creativos que promueven el diálogo colaborativo.


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